How do you know if your Shadow Self rules you? If you experience recurring patterns in your life… in relationships, at work, with finances, with certain triggers… there’s a very good chance our Shadow Self is silently running large chunks of your life.
What is the Shadow?
The Shadow Self is those parts of ourselves we don’t like, that we have shunned and don’t want the world to see. I’m talking here about ‘bad’ stuff. Jealousy. Feelings of smallness or inadequacy. Shame. Embarrassment. Taboos you secretly like. Ugliness. Anger. Bitterness. Hate. Rage. And more.
Due to our conditioning from a young age, these parts of ourselves make us feel uncomfortable. And so we avoid them, ignore them, and repress them. It’s only natural to show the world our ‘good’ or ‘shiny’ parts. We all want to be liked. To fit in. And feel ’good’.
Here’s the thing though: when we shun and ignore parts of ourselves, they begin to fester. Like the grain of sand that rubs away and turns into the pearl inside the oyster over many years, our ‘bad’ bits don’t go away. Instead, they grow. They can run our lives without us even knowing it.
The longer we defer facing our Shadow Self, the stronger it grows, and the more it impacts our happiness.
What’s the reason for this? I refer here to the work of Dr John Demartini. His teachings describe seven principles that run our lives:
- Whatever you haven’t loved is repeated until it is.
- Whatever you have not loved runs your life until you do.
- Whatever you hold back holds you back.
- Whatever you bury buries you.
- Whatever you resist persists.
- Whatever you condemn you breed attract or become.
- Whatever you infatuate with you undermine.
It’s another way of explaining our Shadow or those parts we haven’t loved. A wholly loved you – loved by you, that is – vibrates much higher than a you ruled by your Shadow Self.
The first step is to be aware the Shadow Self exists. Next, never again ignore or squash your so-called negative emotions. Instead, recognise them and love them as part of you.
It takes practice. And it takes courage. After all, who wants to admit sh*t about themselves? One useful resource is Finding You. Through poems and reflection exercises, you’re invited to look at your relationships, family, work, self and more. At the very least, this is the first step towards looking deeper at yourself. When you do, you have a chance to love ALL of you… not just those shiny bits you show the outside world.